you couldn't have used the last question for this, huh?
[a long silence, then]
I'm angry that Buzen died for such a stupid reason. You were right about that, you know? She told me that he died because he was a sword spirit, and thus his life was worthless compared to the rest.
[that is not what she said exactly but insane rang vision interprets it as is]
What she should have done was target me instead -- if this really was against her will. If she really never meant to hurt Matsui or the team, then she should have killed me. But she chose Buzen because he was kind, and he would have forgiven her.
When I see her face, I see every human here. I forget that some of them have been kind, and all I remember is that this is what they are, and it makes me want to leave. I don't want to keep staying here with them. I don't want to grow attached and then be abandoned for being different.
The reason I heard was the worst reason she could have given. I almost would have preferred it if was to be ruthless and take your whole team out. Even if Buzen forgives her, I'm done with her.
[it's his sentiments exactly, that he wished libby had been ruthless because he can understand ruthlessness, can even respect it, even if he still would have hated her for it.
but it's not, and now he's here. the question startles him from his thoughts, and there's a beat before]
Yes.
I'll be outside the warehouse.
[which he'll eventually emerge from, sans coat and axe.]
[ if it were something coldly logical, it'd make more sense to her even if she wouldn't have liked it. what she heard only serves to reset her opinions and thoughts on humans, and it's difficult not to sympathize with some of the words rang typed, not to have some of them resonate when she knows of human kindness and how much it could change.
it's hard to hear justification you were once so used to hearing come back.
it doesn't take her long to reach his warehouse, and if he doesn't back away or dodge, she walks right for him without slowing down and loops her arms around him in a loose embrace.
later, he'll reason that it was because he was too surprised -- caught off guard by the fact it's Lambda, of all people, and that she'd willingly come near him even when his emotions are a mess, a tangle of hurt and grief. but right now? there's no blip of shock when she embraces him, just a sudden awareness -- like lambda's tugged him out of his own head for this singular moment, right here and now.
he waits for the fear, for the sudden onrush of violence to consume him and push her away, but there's nothing. and maybe that's what actually surprises him, finally -- the emotion finally taking root,]
[ she wouldn't be surprised if he did push her away. she keeps the embrace loose, so he can choose to stay or go at his own discretion. there is very little agency left for him, and he deserves this much, as little as it is, even for as terribly as he acts out.
her own emotions are swirling, in a way that she's trying to make to make them recede, but it's hard for her anger at libby to be kept completely away, and it's hard to keep back all traces of her tired resignation at humanity. the tinge of sadness, as she thinks about what's likely going to happen to bdsm, the weight of her emotions as they resonated when she read his payment.
but as close as he is now, he can also feel a faint background emotion that may seem out of place if he even has the room or space or willingness to acknowledge it: a pure kind of devotion, a desire to be devoted. ]
All these weeks, and he doesn't think he's unraveled the mystery of her at all. So maybe he's grateful right now, that he gets to see a little bit. Even on the heels of all that's happened, even after being inundated by the consuming tidal wave of Matsui's emotions, that feeling anything other than crushing grief comes as a relief.
lambda feels gentle in comparison. the devotion.... it feels strange, but not foreign.
he remembers a time when he'd wanted to be like that to someone too,]
...You're nothing like any divine spirit I've met before.
[ it's difficult to change lambda, who doesn't care about being the best amongst many. she only cares about being the best according to her own standards. ]
[he's not sure what he expected lambda to be a goddess of.... fame? fortune? capitalism? ice skating??? water is one of those answers that weren't on his list, but now that he thinks about it...]
You really are one of a kind.
[he doesn't think there are any water spirits left back home, driven away by pollution,]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I can give you a box of chocolates instead.
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Ask me for anything else then, something that I can give you tomorrow.
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Your honest feelings.
About this situation. About yourself. About what you want.
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[a long silence, then]
I'm angry that Buzen died for such a stupid reason. You were right about that, you know? She told me that he died because he was a sword spirit, and thus his life was worthless compared to the rest.
[that is not what she said exactly but insane rang vision interprets it as is]
What she should have done was target me instead -- if this really was against her will. If she really never meant to hurt Matsui or the team, then she should have killed me. But she chose Buzen because he was kind, and he would have forgiven her.
When I see her face, I see every human here. I forget that some of them have been kind, and all I remember is that this is what they are, and it makes me want to leave. I don't want to keep staying here with them. I don't want to grow attached and then be abandoned for being different.
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The reason I heard was the worst reason she could have given. I almost would have preferred it if was to be ruthless and take your whole team out. Even if Buzen forgives her, I'm done with her.
....
Can I see you, Rang?
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but it's not, and now he's here. the question startles him from his thoughts, and there's a beat before]
Yes.
I'll be outside the warehouse.
[which he'll eventually emerge from, sans coat and axe.]
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it's hard to hear justification you were once so used to hearing come back.
it doesn't take her long to reach his warehouse, and if he doesn't back away or dodge, she walks right for him without slowing down and loops her arms around him in a loose embrace.
it'd be very funny if he evaded, though. ]
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later, he'll reason that it was because he was too surprised -- caught off guard by the fact it's Lambda, of all people, and that she'd willingly come near him even when his emotions are a mess, a tangle of hurt and grief. but right now? there's no blip of shock when she embraces him, just a sudden awareness -- like lambda's tugged him out of his own head for this singular moment, right here and now.
he waits for the fear, for the sudden onrush of violence to consume him and push her away, but there's nothing. and maybe that's what actually surprises him, finally -- the emotion finally taking root,]
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her own emotions are swirling, in a way that she's trying to make to make them recede, but it's hard for her anger at libby to be kept completely away, and it's hard to keep back all traces of her tired resignation at humanity. the tinge of sadness, as she thinks about what's likely going to happen to bdsm, the weight of her emotions as they resonated when she read his payment.
but as close as he is now, he can also feel a faint background emotion that may seem out of place if he even has the room or space or willingness to acknowledge it: a pure kind of devotion, a desire to be devoted. ]
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All these weeks, and he doesn't think he's unraveled the mystery of her at all. So maybe he's grateful right now, that he gets to see a little bit. Even on the heels of all that's happened, even after being inundated by the consuming tidal wave of Matsui's emotions, that feeling anything other than crushing grief comes as a relief.
lambda feels gentle in comparison. the devotion.... it feels strange, but not foreign.
he remembers a time when he'd wanted to be like that to someone too,]
...You're nothing like any divine spirit I've met before.
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Of course I'm not. You'll never meet another goddess like me.
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Now that sounds a bit more familiar.
[and the comparison would annoy him, but he finds that he doesn't mind it now. maybe he takes a little comfort in it.]
You've never told me what kind of goddess you are.
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I'm a goddess of water.
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You really are one of a kind.
[he doesn't think there are any water spirits left back home, driven away by pollution,]