later, he'll reason that it was because he was too surprised -- caught off guard by the fact it's Lambda, of all people, and that she'd willingly come near him even when his emotions are a mess, a tangle of hurt and grief. but right now? there's no blip of shock when she embraces him, just a sudden awareness -- like lambda's tugged him out of his own head for this singular moment, right here and now.
he waits for the fear, for the sudden onrush of violence to consume him and push her away, but there's nothing. and maybe that's what actually surprises him, finally -- the emotion finally taking root,]
[ she wouldn't be surprised if he did push her away. she keeps the embrace loose, so he can choose to stay or go at his own discretion. there is very little agency left for him, and he deserves this much, as little as it is, even for as terribly as he acts out.
her own emotions are swirling, in a way that she's trying to make to make them recede, but it's hard for her anger at libby to be kept completely away, and it's hard to keep back all traces of her tired resignation at humanity. the tinge of sadness, as she thinks about what's likely going to happen to bdsm, the weight of her emotions as they resonated when she read his payment.
but as close as he is now, he can also feel a faint background emotion that may seem out of place if he even has the room or space or willingness to acknowledge it: a pure kind of devotion, a desire to be devoted. ]
All these weeks, and he doesn't think he's unraveled the mystery of her at all. So maybe he's grateful right now, that he gets to see a little bit. Even on the heels of all that's happened, even after being inundated by the consuming tidal wave of Matsui's emotions, that feeling anything other than crushing grief comes as a relief.
lambda feels gentle in comparison. the devotion.... it feels strange, but not foreign.
he remembers a time when he'd wanted to be like that to someone too,]
...You're nothing like any divine spirit I've met before.
[ it's difficult to change lambda, who doesn't care about being the best amongst many. she only cares about being the best according to her own standards. ]
[he's not sure what he expected lambda to be a goddess of.... fame? fortune? capitalism? ice skating??? water is one of those answers that weren't on his list, but now that he thinks about it...]
You really are one of a kind.
[he doesn't think there are any water spirits left back home, driven away by pollution,]
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later, he'll reason that it was because he was too surprised -- caught off guard by the fact it's Lambda, of all people, and that she'd willingly come near him even when his emotions are a mess, a tangle of hurt and grief. but right now? there's no blip of shock when she embraces him, just a sudden awareness -- like lambda's tugged him out of his own head for this singular moment, right here and now.
he waits for the fear, for the sudden onrush of violence to consume him and push her away, but there's nothing. and maybe that's what actually surprises him, finally -- the emotion finally taking root,]
no subject
her own emotions are swirling, in a way that she's trying to make to make them recede, but it's hard for her anger at libby to be kept completely away, and it's hard to keep back all traces of her tired resignation at humanity. the tinge of sadness, as she thinks about what's likely going to happen to bdsm, the weight of her emotions as they resonated when she read his payment.
but as close as he is now, he can also feel a faint background emotion that may seem out of place if he even has the room or space or willingness to acknowledge it: a pure kind of devotion, a desire to be devoted. ]
no subject
All these weeks, and he doesn't think he's unraveled the mystery of her at all. So maybe he's grateful right now, that he gets to see a little bit. Even on the heels of all that's happened, even after being inundated by the consuming tidal wave of Matsui's emotions, that feeling anything other than crushing grief comes as a relief.
lambda feels gentle in comparison. the devotion.... it feels strange, but not foreign.
he remembers a time when he'd wanted to be like that to someone too,]
...You're nothing like any divine spirit I've met before.
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Of course I'm not. You'll never meet another goddess like me.
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Now that sounds a bit more familiar.
[and the comparison would annoy him, but he finds that he doesn't mind it now. maybe he takes a little comfort in it.]
You've never told me what kind of goddess you are.
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I'm a goddess of water.
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You really are one of a kind.
[he doesn't think there are any water spirits left back home, driven away by pollution,]