[he freezes, stopping mid-speak at her embrace. don't, he thinks.]
...I didn't want to break you.
[not after seeing that memory, not after how lambda had died here. but more than that,]
I didn't want to kill you.
[he's a child again in the mountains, shaking hands pressed against a soft throat. he made it quick then. but it only happened because he let it happen, like he did with lambda. every action had a choice. he could say it was for the mission but he still did it. he thought he could kill anyone. he wasn't supposed to ever get close again. and yet, and yet, he still did, and for what?
[ her arms wind around him even tighter, and she presses herself against him, so he can feel that she's here. she's not broken. she may be dead, but she isn't dead because of him. ]
I know you didn't. I know you didn't want to, and I know you chose to do it anyway.
[ she won't tell him it wasn't. she won't lie to him about this. ]
It was a mercy of that girl, but it wasn't a mercy for you. It's okay to care, Rang. It's okay that you didn't want to but you did it anyway.
It doesn't make it hurt less. I don't think it ever will, but it's okay.
[ it's possible she could feel differently if she felt like it was really here, but she's has too many different existences to not be able to separate herself when she needs to. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...I didn't want to break you.
[not after seeing that memory, not after how lambda had died here. but more than that,]
I didn't want to kill you.
[he's a child again in the mountains, shaking hands pressed against a soft throat. he made it quick then. but it only happened because he let it happen, like he did with lambda. every action had a choice. he could say it was for the mission but he still did it. he thought he could kill anyone. he wasn't supposed to ever get close again. and yet, and yet, he still did, and for what?
just more blood. just more suffering.]
no subject
I know you didn't. I know you didn't want to, and I know you chose to do it anyway.
[ she won't tell him it wasn't. she won't lie to him about this. ]
It was a mercy of that girl, but it wasn't a mercy for you. It's okay to care, Rang. It's okay that you didn't want to but you did it anyway.
It doesn't make it hurt less. I don't think it ever will, but it's okay.
[ it's possible she could feel differently if she felt like it was really here, but she's has too many different existences to not be able to separate herself when she needs to. ]