[he doesn't know what to think of it really. having to be summoned at all in the first place sounds like a huge pain, not knowing which version of you will be summoned sounds even worse.
but the idea of not being summoned at all, to just languish forever waiting for someone -- anyone -- to call for you. it rings too similarly to the memory he's just seen,]
It's because humans aren't powerful to summon true spirits, so it has to be a copy, an incarnation.
[ if it were a traditional holy grail war, she wouldn't have access to these kinds of memories, but with the grand order, with chaldea, memories aren't so blocked or hindered. ]
It's not possible. It would diminish what that one did. But even if it were possible, I don't. I want my own experiences. I want to be my own.
[ it's an answer that comes easily to her. the memories are cherished, but they are a faraway treasure. she doesn't want to infringe on that love.
she wants to have a dream that's all her own. ]
I don't want to be anyone other than myself. I want to have something that's only mine.
[humans.... of course they'd mess it up by being too WEAK -- those aren't rang's exact thoughts this time, instead he thinks that maybe this time it isn't so bad, if the Lambda standing before him exists because of them.
. . .]
I can't imagine you as anyone else anyway.
[lambda is lambda, he'll never know the girl in that memory]
Rang takes in Lambda's face without her shades, something he hadn't thought he'd ever get to see. At some point, he'd accepted the shades as part of her too -- as much a part of Lambda as everything else hidden from him.
He tilts his head, mouths the word,]
Meltryllis. [he's gotten used to the name lambda. but meltryllis isn't so bad either, he thinks it suits her.]
...You really are full of surprises.
[the pig oinks happily in the background, which is all the warning rang gets before a memory plays (cw: implied pet death (:48 - 1:20)) shakes in lq but hitting 720p should make it a least A LITTLE BETTER]
[ it's a bit jarring to see such a young rang, crying and readily asking for help. he really seems so innocent and unlike the jaded and bitter rang that only knows how to act out now.
she's never had to take a life like that, but she imagines it was a turning point for him, in some way. ]
... where was your brother?
[ the way the subtitles uses his name but the boy says hyung.
They burned it all down because they knew he wasn't there to stop them. The humans. They wanted to get rid of me, and all the other spirits on the mountain.
[his lips twitch into a thin smile]
My brother wouldn't have come back even if he knew, and he never did after.
[Rang looks away, marshaling his rage and said bitterness. It's a violation, but so was looking upon one of Lambda's memories, no matter if it wasn't hers. It still peeled a part of her aside, vulnerable.
He thinks about how so many people have said the words he wanted to hear back then so badly from his brother.]
The gods say that our choices are what define us, not our suffering. The choice I made after that was to kill as many humans as possible. Even innocent ones that had nothing to do with it.
[he lifts a shoulder and shrugs,]
My brother says that I should grow up and get over it already.
[ she can't deny it's immature behavior in some ways, but it's not like she hasn't taken her fair share of lives, enough of them innocent. it's in a different context and for reasons that likely don't match his but are no less psychopathic. however, she is kind of reformed for a reason or five. ]
Can't it be both? Our suffering informs our choices. Do you blame all your choices on your brother?
[ she won't wipe away fault. his choices are definitely his own, and they are not great, but she's never thought he made that many great choices from the beginning. she's come to care for him, but that doesn't mind she's blinded by it. ]
Has he apologized to you? Has he been abandoned before?
[Rang, unfortunately, does blame everything on his brother, because he is a big baby.
But he's not so much of a baby that he will lie, mouth pursed.]
He lost the human woman he loved. That's why he left the mountain when she died, and made a deal with the gods to reincarnate her.
[because of grief, he thinks. rang has no idea that yeon spent all those years on opium before he made that deal while rang was out murdering innocents]
[ she'd call him out on being a baby if he said so.
well, that's a reason she can relate to. her own grief made her leave her sister behind in a present that became a separate future, but the difference is she got her sister's consent and she apologized for it later. ]
He could taken you with him. [ ... ] Is reincarnation not a given in your world?
[Rang looks away at the first part, as if he doesn't want anything on his expression to give himself away -- even if looking away in the first place probably does, then]
It is. But she had blood on her hands before she died, so she would have had to suffer in one of the hells for it first. He wanted her soul to skip that part, and to reincarnate as a human again.
she regards him for a full second. she wonders if that's what he wanted. (to meet his brother, not be killed by him, which she finds out almost two weeks later.) ]
[ she doesn't think if his brother left him and didn't look back, he would have thought too much about him, too focused on this girl he didn't realize was reincarnated. ]
[which makes the attempted murder more traumatic for rang, who hadn't known what he was doing wrong at the time.... he knows now though so he has no excuse]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[he doesn't know what to think of it really. having to be summoned at all in the first place sounds like a huge pain, not knowing which version of you will be summoned sounds even worse.
but the idea of not being summoned at all, to just languish forever waiting for someone -- anyone -- to call for you. it rings too similarly to the memory he's just seen,]
...Would you want to be her again?
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[ if it were a traditional holy grail war, she wouldn't have access to these kinds of memories, but with the grand order, with chaldea, memories aren't so blocked or hindered. ]
It's not possible. It would diminish what that one did. But even if it were possible, I don't. I want my own experiences. I want to be my own.
[ it's an answer that comes easily to her. the memories are cherished, but they are a faraway treasure. she doesn't want to infringe on that love.
she wants to have a dream that's all her own. ]
I don't want to be anyone other than myself. I want to have something that's only mine.
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. . .]
I can't imagine you as anyone else anyway.
[lambda is lambda, he'll never know the girl in that memory]
You're the only one who can have what I owe.
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a small smile curves her lips. ]
Don't forget that any time soon. [ that she's the only one he can owe and imagine. ] My real name is Meltryllis.
[ ALSO WHERE IS MY RANG MEMORY, YAYWON. ]
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Rang takes in Lambda's face without her shades, something he hadn't thought he'd ever get to see. At some point, he'd accepted the shades as part of her too -- as much a part of Lambda as everything else hidden from him.
He tilts his head, mouths the word,]
Meltryllis. [he's gotten used to the name lambda. but meltryllis isn't so bad either, he thinks it suits her.]
...You really are full of surprises.
[the pig oinks happily in the background, which is all the warning rang gets before a memory plays (cw: implied pet death (:48 - 1:20)) shakes in lq but hitting 720p should make it a least A LITTLE BETTER]
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she's never had to take a life like that, but she imagines it was a turning point for him, in some way. ]
... where was your brother?
[ the way the subtitles uses his name but the boy says hyung.
was he left alone? was he abandoned? ]
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They burned it all down because they knew he wasn't there to stop them. The humans. They wanted to get rid of me, and all the other spirits on the mountain.
[his lips twitch into a thin smile]
My brother wouldn't have come back even if he knew, and he never did after.
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his brother abandoned him, and he was so young there. ]
I think I understand more. [ ... ] I would have liked to understand more without a pig forcing this, but you shouldn't have been left like that.
[ not when he wasn't as a bitter as he is now. not when that was probably what made him bitter. ]
You shouldn't have had to endure that alone.
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He thinks about how so many people have said the words he wanted to hear back then so badly from his brother.]
The gods say that our choices are what define us, not our suffering. The choice I made after that was to kill as many humans as possible. Even innocent ones that had nothing to do with it.
[he lifts a shoulder and shrugs,]
My brother says that I should grow up and get over it already.
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Can't it be both? Our suffering informs our choices. Do you blame all your choices on your brother?
[ she won't wipe away fault. his choices are definitely his own, and they are not great, but she's never thought he made that many great choices from the beginning. she's come to care for him, but that doesn't mind she's blinded by it. ]
Has he apologized to you? Has he been abandoned before?
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But he's not so much of a baby that he will lie, mouth pursed.]
He lost the human woman he loved. That's why he left the mountain when she died, and made a deal with the gods to reincarnate her.
[because of grief, he thinks. rang has no idea that yeon spent all those years on opium before he made that deal while rang was out murdering innocents]
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well, that's a reason she can relate to. her own grief made her leave her sister behind in a present that became a separate future, but the difference is she got her sister's consent and she apologized for it later. ]
He could taken you with him. [ ... ] Is reincarnation not a given in your world?
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It is. But she had blood on her hands before she died, so she would have had to suffer in one of the hells for it first. He wanted her soul to skip that part, and to reincarnate as a human again.
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[ not that she thinks being selfish is inherently bad, but she's calling it like it is. ]
What kind of deal did he make? Do you know?
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at her question though, he flashes her a smile,]
He has to hunt down spirits who kill or harm mortals. That's how we met again, actually. He was sent to kill me.
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she regards him for a full second. she wonders if that's what he wanted. (to meet his brother, not be killed by him, which she finds out almost two weeks later.) ]
That must have been a heartfelt reunion.
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['for me', he adds silently, 'at first'. then he shrugs.],
Six hundred years later, and he's still running errands. Meanwhile, his human lover's already reincarnated, and he had no idea until recently.
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[ she doesn't think if his brother left him and didn't look back, he would have thought too much about him, too focused on this girl he didn't realize was reincarnated. ]
He's dropping the ball on so many levels.
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I was happy to see him again, back then.
[which makes the attempted murder more traumatic for rang, who hadn't known what he was doing wrong at the time.... he knows now though so he has no excuse]