alex catchall

[diluvian]

the best satan to ever exist

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week 7: saturday

[camena]

[ at some point before the party? or perhaps during a quiet moment? alex will come find lambda. ]

Hey, we did it. All our worlds intact and everything.

[diluvian]

We did.

[ at the cost of ruby... but they did it. ]

Relieved? Where are you going after this?

[camena]

[ yeah she's still upset about ruby but sometimes you compartmentalize. ]

... That's the question, isn't it? I don't know.

[diluvian]

[ she doesn't know the state of alex's world or what's up with it, but she knows this: ]

I know Shenhe mentioned she wanted you to go with her. I'm sure anyone else would welcome you, too.

[camena]

Yeah. I'm thinking about it. It's a really cool offer, but it's like. A lot. Plus I can't exactly decide alone.

[diluvian]

[ she tilts her head. ]

Jonas? Or...?

[ she does not know the state of tbdating in certainty, but some things were in public enough that she's hazarding a guess. ]

[camena]

[ help ]

Yeah. Jonas.

[diluvian]

Where would you want to go with him? Just as a hypothetical, if he let you pick without any reservation.

[camena]

It's not really a hypothetical because he will go anywhere I pick.

[ WHICH MEANS THERE IS SO MUCH PRESSURE TO PICK RIGHT. ]

I feel like I don't know enough about any of our options. And a lot of the worlds I've heard about kinda sound bad, too. There's Teyvat, since we were invited, but—it's still a lot?

[diluvian]

[ there's a vibe of faint amusement at how so many of the worlds sound bad, and yet so many people wanted to try to save their terrible worlds. ]

I think the most peaceful world is probably the one Rin and Haru are from, if you want something as opposite from here as possible.

[ well, not opposite in location since shibuya, but opposite i nbeing the most normal of them all even if Haru's hands became so murderous. ]

[camena]

I'm not going somewhere I wasn't invited. Plus, like, if it's a world like ours... We'd need a place to stay and money and—it's complicated.

[ unfortunately she is aware of The Economy and feels that just showing up in a new world that close to her own would just be full of problems. ]

[diluvian]

[ lambda would say hack the system, but sometimes she doesn't consider that people aren't op ais who can hack the system. ]

Nahida is a god who apparently can affect the going ons of humans in her world, so I'm sure she could arrange amenities.

[ it's just back to teyvat. ]

Did you get any other invites?

[camena]

... No, just the one invitation.

It's part of why Teyvat is the only place I'm thinking about this much. And I know Nahida could help us for a while, so that'd help. I think it's not so much about what we'd get, it's more about what I'd have to leave behind.

[diluvian]

[ there's faint curiosity. ]

What are you leaving behind?

[camena]

The basic stuff. My friends. My mom. Everyone I know. My home. All of Michael's stuff.

[diluvian]

What's the alternative? If you don't leave all that behind, what happens?

[camena]

Not... exactly sure. I'm in a timeloop and I don't really know how to get out. And I don't remember the previous loops. But things are changing, so maybe I could get out... eventually?

So it—it might still be leaving it behind. In a way. Parts of it. I'm aware that makes this stupid.

[diluvian]

This week mustn't have been very fun for you.

[ if there's timeloop experience.... or trauma? even if alex doesn't remember it all. ]

There are different things you leave behind whenever you timeloop. I know firsthand, too. I don't think you'll get any kind of perfect ending. [ even if they managed to save ruby today somehow, she would still think this. ] But you can at least aim for something you won't regret with what you know.

Think selfishly.

[ lambda isn't exactly a bastion for being good and kind. ]

[camena]

... None of the weeks here have been very fun. [ people were always dying and she went on a timeloop cyoa and murder... is bad. but she does kind of laugh weakly. ] You too? It's like... most of us here have looped before.

[ ... ]

I—can't. I can't be selfish about this.

[diluvian]

[ lambda wonders if dying would have helped alex out. a number of the living has made her think this. ]

It was a one time thing, but outside of it, I'm not new to time travel in general even if it's not looping. History is stupidly delicate.

[ but in a slightly different way from swords. ]

You can. You simply don't want to be, which is fine. It is your choice to make.

[ whether or not she wants to be selfish. ultimately, it sounds like alex has to sacrifice something. ]

[camena]

[ it... definitely would have helped, yes. ]

Huh. More time stuff. I really didn't realize how pervasive it'd be when we first got here.

... Honestly, I don't know whether to call it selfish or not. Priorities aren't always that simple to label.

[diluvian]

They're not, but they are what's important to you, whatever the reason. Just make a decision you won't regret.

[ that's the bare minimum anyone can do, she thinks. ]