alex catchall

[diluvian]

the best satan to ever exist

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week 2: friday

[camena]

[ alex is sitting by the canals with one knee pulled up to her chest. the emotions here are. bad? bad. just bad. ]

... Hey.

[diluvian]

[ lambda's emotions are kept very, very tight, very controlled, like a wave that's being kept back from crashing onto shore. ]

Hey. This was a choice for this week.

[camena]

[ there's a lot of helpless frustration, and it spikes at that. it's not really anger at anyone, definitely not lambda. just frustration. it feels callous to talk about things like this, but. ]

It seems strategic.

[diluvian]

[ she sits down next to alex. this would usually be a comment she agrees with and yet it's a comment she doesn't really like today. her emotions swirl like a negative whirlpool, tight and controlled. ]

It is, but I don't want to acknowledge today.

[camena]

[ alex nods a bit stiffly, feeling a low pulse of guilt. ]

Sure. That can be a... later thing.

[diluvian]

[ she tilts her head, and lambda's emotions become a bit muted. ]

You don't have to feel like that. It is a valid point. It is a smart move.

[camena]

It's not the right thing to be focused on. I don't—I don't like focusing on it.

[diluvian]

[ hmm.... ]

If it is the reason why he was targeted, it could help us find out the culprit, but...

[ there's a bit of a ??? feeling as lambda tries to figure out how to approach this. ]

We can focus on whatever you want.

[camena]

[ honestly alex is a little surprised by that offer. ]

I don't know what to focus on. Feeling bad isn't going to—like, help anyone.

[diluvian]

It isn't, but it's not like you can stop it, can you?

[camena]

No.

[ ... ]

Do you think whoever did it feels bad? Will we be able to tell, tomorrow?

[diluvian]

It depends on why they killed Buzen. I'm not sure which I'd prefer.

[ if someone feels bad about killing, just don't do it. if someone doesn't feel bad about it, well, even if she can understand the reason, it doesn't mean she has to like it. ]

But I doubt they'll show it tomorrow.

[camena]

... There's no motivation that'll make me feel better about it.

[ but she lets out a long sigh at that second part. ]

Too bad. It'd be something to work with, at least.

[diluvian]

I could be wrong.

[ it's fine if she's wrong about this, if it helps catch them. ]

But I also think enough people will be feeling down because of Buzen's death.

[ she's thinking about how much matsui may or may not be losing it right now. ]

[camena]

... Yeah. He was nice. And friendly.

[ so of course everyone is going to be messed up over losing him. ]

Things'll be quieter without him around.

[diluvian]

That's one way of putting it.

[ she keeps her emotions like a still lake. ]

There will be some who will feel his loss more than others.

[camena]

... I'm worried about Matsui.

Rang said... Buzen had told him that if he erased someone, he'd break himself and—and Matsui would follow.

[diluvian]

[ lambda clamps down on her emotions enough that there is a faint flicker of something that feels vaguely like desire and devotion. ]

I don't see Matsui willing to fly alone. He's too dependent on Buzen's support.

[ she won't hesitate to offer this observation. she doesn't think there's any avoiding it or that there is any other truth.

she doesn't say how she thinks it really was the best way to wipe out an entire team with one hit once bdsm was down to three. ]

[camena]

[ alex's understanding isn't in response to lambda's feelings necessarily. but to her words. like - yeah. that makes sense. how does a person just keep going if they need someone who's gone? and the understanding just makes her more worried. ]

But he has to try.

[diluvian]

[ that makes lambda smile, but it's devoid of any warmth or joy. ]

Not for too long, not for that kind of love. Not unless he can find a way to bring him back.

[camena]

But maybe he can.

Their souls aren't gone when they're erased. If his team—if they still won, somehow, they could bring them back.

[diluvian]

It'd have to be an easier and quicker method.

[ matsui doesn't hide his terrible mental health, or at least lambda thinks it's obvious. ]

You'll have to convince him of the likelihood of that when their team is down to two and when Rang is always going to behave like a pariah and the majority will leap on him. You'll have to convince him when Buzen isn't around to convince him.

[camena]

... I don't have that.

[ frustration and helplessness again. hey feeling powerless sucks actually. ]

But people—Rang's not that bad. He's just a weirdo, but he's not bad. People should know that by now.

[diluvian]

[ there's more of a softness to her emotions in response to that, but it's not by much. ]

I wouldn't go so far as saying he's not that bad, but all most people give him is more justification to act the way he does.

... Killing Buzen won't have helped that either.

[camena]

Well, they—he just—he needs to be less weird. But everyone else needs to be less... I don't know. Judgey.

[ she sighs, vaguely impatient at this, because she's always impatient when people don't see things the same way she does. ]

He was being nice today. People will notice.